Does anyone else scrutinize everything, holding a microscope up to the things that are “just that way“? I feel confused more often than not. People, situations, reactions, economics & statistics; all very confusing. Or perhaps not everyone is tormented by thoughts – well, how does that feel?!
When I was much younger I always felt so out of place, was it the fact that I moved around so much, or have I always been a rather sensitive soul? I’m leaning towards the latter. There were a whole lot of ingredients that created a very angry little person… add 1 cup of unrefined frustration, 2 litres of Whisky Tango Foxtrot, and 5kgs of “what do I do with this feeling” and out of the oven came an overcooked, spicy, unbalanced meal, heavy on the emotional calories.
I believe I’ve become a different person over and over, finally having the ability to soften, become (sometimes too) flexible, learn the fine art of forgiveness, and able to recognise the beauty I’ve worked at cultivating in myself. Unfortunately there are some lessons that are significantly harder than others, some things weighing so much they bend your will and break your spirit, but being soaked in superglue makes putting them down feel like a constant battle. Reflecting on it all, I’m faced with the reality that the harsh, abrasive me that once was, was just a scared young girl that didn’t know how else to feel protected.
I often wonder about people who lack empathy and wonder if I would be more successful in business if I were one of them. Would I make better business decisions? Would I be able to let go of hurtful emotions instead of packing them in this big suitcase to carry around on my head? No wonder my neck is sore 😂. Empathetically challenged people are much like statistics to me, – they obviously have a reason for existing but make no sense to me no matter how much I try to understand. I must admit, having little to no emotions fogging up the place could be kinda nice…
I sat on a pedicure recliner, listening to James Ingram on Saturday morning with the 1st draft of this blog. I’m sure my music selection prompted the trip down the railway of my life… & I found myself concerned about the weight of these words & how I’d manage to get this to relate to the June promos😵💫 Today I’m like, here’s the blog, hope you like it!
On days when deep in thought, finding more questions than answers, trying to make it all make sense; I can’t help but be freshly grateful for my job, my phenomenal staff, and the people who love me. Sunday’s message was titled “Comes With It” – Are we prepared to navigate the trial/persecution/hardship that comes with the blessing? We are often so focussed on the challenges and pain that come before and with the blessing that it becomes so hard to understand that it’s necessary; just like the pain with the birth.
June has begun & brought with it a need for fluffy socks, extra blankets and the soup pots. Before you dive in may I ask, what do you want to carry with you this month?
I’m taking a bigger helping of compassion for myself, acceptance of all the pieces of me – giving no apologies for the deep oceans that create the unique layers of who I am.
Above all, I’m going to try my best to carry in me a well of faith, that even when I can’t see clearly, I’ll know if I put my pale down this well, I’ll be sure to retrieve an overflow.
Let’s try to welcome the challenges as the process that one must follow to get to the great. Here’s to a wonderful, beautiful June for us all.
