Yes, I’m late – I know…
I had to take a week off to think about what message I wanted to send this month of love.
Am I going to be honest or am I going to sing the same ol love song? Then I realised, this is my blog & I may not be telling you our treatments are amazing, but I am still spitting facts! 👌🏻
I’ve reached a wonderful level of IDGAF & honestly, I wish it for all of you! {She said lovingly}
Over the last few months I’ve come to realise, “Love”, in the way most of us understand it, is packaged as a give all, sacrifice everything, ride or die for him type deal, but we are told NOT to expect the things that make this possible, lest you be labelled a “gold digger” (often from the men who don’t own much gold for digging…
Honestly, (an alarming number of) men have become so embarrasing, & I’ve decided that the month of love is the perfect time to air my views on this hot topic. If you’re a gentleman who knows how to care for his woman, or a kept, stress free, pilates princess that couldn’t care less – you’re welcome to go back to the newsletter, there’s something in there for you lovers too 🥰
For the rest of us… what in the man child is happening here?
A few months ago Chante Joseph wrote this incredible article for British Vogue that soon had Instagram flooded with content of women, both single & attached, agreeing with her – & yep… you guessed it, many many angry men attacking woman for choosing to go “man free”. On this week away, I opened a magazine at a ridiculously hard to find hair salon which eventually left my bestie all the way from China with 6 hour trauma I doubt she’ll soon forget, there it is! My sign, clear as day… an article on how women are choosing to be “boy sober” (I think it was Marie Claire? Someone help, I can’t find it)
To make (what I could easily make) a long story short, we are experiencing a major shift in society as we know it – worldwide! Years ago men fought wars & wrote love letters, they were also 100% responsible for the spiritual, physical and financial well-being of their wives & children. The men brought home the bacon & the women fried it up, they were never asked what it is they brought to the table 🤢As times have changed, women have fought to have something as simple as a bank account, we were allowed to read, get educated & have the freedom to chase a dream. This evolution of the feminine, unfortunately, has been happening so quietly for so many years that our embarrasing counterparts neglected to attempt doing the same. No healing, no therapy, no emotional intelligence & no attempt at gaining any.
Now, I’m not saying 80% the male species should be Joan of arced🔥 , and the rest can be available to donate spermatozoa and teach “how to be a decent man” classes; although right now that seems like a pretty great idea! What I’m saying is that our men have fallen behind while allowing women to take on more than we were meant to handle. The frustration of him not knowing where his shoes are, or when anyone’s birthday is, or what is needed at the shop has taken a toll on the delicate, capable. and incredibly amazing feminine. Women are taught to be strong, accept abuse, care for the kids, keep the house clean, carry the mental and emotional weight of being their partner’s only place to offload. This was bound to happen.
Now with this being said, it may be necessary for me to highlight, Houston: we have a problem. Our men are told not to be emotional, not to share hurts, not to cry. They are taught that being “a girl” is something weak & useless & that has built an image that has changed how men see woman, heartbreakingly sad – isn’t it?
Women are incredible. Aren’t we?
We have been handling so much, yet still always able to give, to stretch further, to forgive, to accept – these are the characteristics God gave women because we are mothers, we give our bodies to bear children, we’d give the shirt off our back, men aren’t designed the same way. Men are hunters, big & strong, taking care of things – you know? Tarzan!
Now, because we’ve accepted & forgiven for so long, because our grandmothers had to stay in order to care for our parents, we have never seen the mute abuse our grandmothers had to bear. Because there’s always been such an expectation on women, we’ve never been able to verbalise the exhaustion, the anger, and quite possibly were’nt aware of the toll these things take on the libido…
More & more women are choosing to fall in love with themselves more than the man they’ve been mothering. We’re choosing to fall in love with wine tasting, deals on Shein that make us feel beautiful, home improvements that make us wonder why we’d ever allow a stinky boy in our perfectly curated space – with our scented candles, 700 thread count white linen & Mariah the scientist singing sweet love songs.
Perhaps this is how we return to ourselves, or perhaps God is just testing us with a batch of slow learners & He’s about to send them all to therapy!
Either way. My month of love looks very different this year, & my oh my do I just LOVE it for me!
Pouring your time and energy into relationships that hold space for you, that shower you with the same love you give, the ones that listen to understand & have the ability to love you through your changes, through your growing phases & even through your lowest. That’s where it’s at!
I am so grateful for all the loves in my life & mostly for how in love I am with me.
One day I may feel differently, maybe a wonderful man will come show me what I’ve been missing, although I seriously doubt I could return to any relationship norms; but until then here I shall be falling in love with my life over & over again.
In closing let me just say, a few weeks ago I was thinking of this incredibly sexy image of Kim E in her underwear, a leather jacket, a catwoman (or something) mask & babes was ironing… Lord have mercy.
Now- the next time someone’s unhealed son with no gold tells you you’re a gold digger, ask him – does he think a women that’s worried about bills feels safe, sexy & feminine enough to iron in lingerie?
