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My piece of this existence

Does anyone else scrutinize everything, holding a microscope up to the things that are “just that way“? I feel confused more often than not. People, situations, reactions, economics & statistics; all very confusing. Or perhaps not everyone is tormented by thoughts – well, how does that feel?!

When I was much younger I always felt so out of place, was it the fact that I moved around so much, or have I always been a rather sensitive soul? I’m leaning towards the latter. There were a whole lot of ingredients that created a very angry little person… add 1 cup of unrefined frustration, 2 litres of Whisky Tango Foxtrot, and 5kgs of “what do I do with this feeling” and out of the oven came an overcooked, spicy, unbalanced meal, heavy on the emotional calories.

I believe I’ve become a different person over and over, finally having the ability to soften, become (sometimes too) flexible, learn the fine art of forgiveness, and able to recognise the beauty I’ve worked at cultivating in myself. Unfortunately there are some lessons that are significantly harder than others, some things weighing so much they bend your will and break your spirit, but being soaked in superglue makes putting them down feel like a constant battle. Reflecting on it all, I’m faced with the reality that the harsh, abrasive me that once was, was just a scared young girl that didn’t know how else to feel protected.

I often wonder about people who lack empathy and wonder if I would be more successful in business if I were one of them. Would I make better business decisions? Would I be able to let go of hurtful emotions instead of packing them in this big suitcase to carry around on my head? No wonder my neck is sore 😂. Empathetically challenged people are much like statistics to me, – they obviously have a reason for existing but make no sense to me no matter how much I try to understand. I must admit, having little to no emotions fogging up the place could be kinda nice…

I sat on a pedicure recliner, listening to James Ingram on Saturday morning with the 1st draft of this blog. I’m sure my music selection prompted the trip down the railway of my life… & I found myself concerned about the weight of these words & how I’d manage to get this to relate to the June promos😵‍💫 Today I’m like, here’s the blog, hope you like it!

On days when deep in thought, finding more questions than answers, trying to make it all make sense; I can’t help but be freshly grateful for my job, my phenomenal staff, and the people who love me. Sunday’s message was titled “Comes With It” – Are we prepared to navigate the trial/persecution/hardship that comes with the blessing? We are often so focussed on the challenges and pain that come before and with the blessing that it becomes so hard to understand that it’s necessary; just like the pain with the birth.

June has begun & brought with it a need for fluffy socks, extra blankets and the soup pots. Before you dive in may I ask, what do you want to carry with you this month?

I’m taking a bigger helping of compassion for myself, acceptance of all the pieces of me – giving no apologies for the deep oceans that create the unique layers of who I am.

Above all, I’m going to try my best to carry in me a well of faith, that even when I can’t see clearly, I’ll know if I put my pale down this well, I’ll be sure to retrieve an overflow.

Let’s try to welcome the challenges as the process that one must follow to get to the great. Here’s to a wonderful, beautiful June for us all.

 

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What soothes you?

Hi, I’m Laurien and I’m a procrastinator. 🤦🏽‍♀️I have a growing talent for leaving things to the very last minute, and the May blog has been a prime example.

Putting my head in the sand when I don’t feel like facing a task is fast becoming a hobby, when I should in fact, be getting more task orientated!

May really isn’t a favourite month to write my thoughts to be honest. May = Mothers’ day, &  is a tricky one for me – the past few years have been interesting to navigate. A word for the younger generation, don’t be so keen to declare that you don’t want kids; one day you wake up 35 & fall in love with some lil people & discover you had all the maternal bones all along 🫢

April is our birthday month (the shop & I ) & just as I’m getting settled into the new age, May peeps her motherly head around the corner to remind me of my womb that no-one has called home yet. – RUDE-

I was relaxing, walking, eating, dancing & drinking on a wine farm in Cpt for a few days, & I didn’t feel the urge to rush back from the beach to write this blog – It’s the honesty for me!

The past few days I’ve sat with some thoughts; are we experiencing more of the same in different ways? I took another bash at a dating site recently, I’ve always known my S.O wouldn’t be found there, but I was admittedly without entertainment… until I saw my (not single) cousin’s profile & proceeded to delete it, yet again! As I stared at the familiar pictures, I couldn’t help but wonder… am I existing in a time not meant for me?
Fam! Carrie Bradshaw lifts my spirits- even in the 90s, things were much the same with the exception of fake profiles & way too much social media, what is it about relatability that settles the spirit?

 

When all the frozen yoghurt & SATC reruns fail to hit the spot, my next best is my Good mood in jars, conveniently found in my bathroom cabinet.

The slight sagging of cheeks (& heart) are made well with the floating fingers over my face, the aroma that behaves like I’d imagine the balm of Gilead did. The meticulously crafted texture has a way of softening my mind. Bliss!

Look, it won’t change things around me, but it somehow changes me, slightly shifting my view, my mood; it sings me a lullaby with the promise of of a better tomorrow.

 

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Just checking in

Driving to work this morning I listened to a podcast, Erwin McManus said “anyone can create art but not many can create beauty” this on the heel of the notion that hate is easy, but hope, forgiveness & love are hard; that the human condition means more effort is attached to higher emotions.

I find this analogy truly beautiful. So often our strength is measured by how little emotion we display, how nonchalant we come across, perhaps even how little things, situations & people phase us. I think this misrepresentation of strength is what makes us weaker.

During the wars, the men, strong, tough, manly men, were strong enough to write love letters to the woman who held their hearts captive. Serenades in the rain and having the pleasure of her company weren’t something to be ashamed of, what happened to the beauty and wonder of those emotions?

After taking this in I suddenly wondered how everyone feels their year is going. We’re always getting to the end of the year & complaining about how bad, or slow, or disappointing it was, maybe we could “check-in” with each other here, at the end of Q1, to share some love, do something special for someone, or just tell a friend how wonderful they are. Just maybe we can throw caution to the wind & be reckless with how much we choose to love, because that’s what it is right? A choice.

 Galatians 5:22

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness

Reflecting on my year so far, I’m so proud of the changes I’ve made, proud of my heart & the new things about myself I’ve fallen in love with. I’m slowly, yet ever surely becoming the best version of myself, I used to beat myself up for loving & caring so much, now I’m just so thankful. ❤️🙏🏽

I can’t wait for the next chapter in my story & the empathetic, loving people I’m still going to meet (husband, I’m ready 😉)

A Thank -you to you,

“On the 1st of April 2015 I never could have imagined the road that lay ahead. Thank God I didn’t, because there’s no way I would’ve chosen to still take that first leap.
As each year goes by, I’m more & more in awe of God’s hand over my life, more in love with myself, and no longer scared of being proud of where I am.
A warm, heartfelt THANK-YOU to each & every client & friend who chooses Matis Fourways every time. To my gorgeous mommy, my life’s companions, my hype team & my amazing staff, I love you all so dearly!”

 

With love,

Laurien