I looked back on the blog I wrote in May last year, I titled it “Ever Changing Times” – if you haven’t read it, I urge you to; sometimes I surprise myself, that one was beautiful! I looked back to remind myself of where I was last year this time & even though it was a great read, it opened my eyes to some more truths.
My father in heaven loves me more today than I will ever be loved & he gave us clear instructions on marriage, love, respect & motherhood. His plan for my life is one to prosper me- this is what I know. Yet, even in that certainty, there are so many of us wounded by past hurts & disappointments, there are so many of us who are so guarded that it becomes nearly impossible to see a soft love & to realize that God still has a plan & that marriage (when done right) is still one of His most precious gifts to us. From the beginning of time He created us to love & be loved, he created us to “fill the earth”.
It’s sometimes painful holding onto a promise in a book that’s 2000+ years old. It’s sometimes difficult to still keep holding onto it through those hurts, heartaches & betrayal; but what would hurt more is letting it go- so I won’t, I can’t!
I’m so thankful that I’ve grown into the woman I am today, I guess I’m not hard on the eyes for my 40yr old self 😎 but what I know without a doubt, is that I have a beauty inside me that is only as beautiful as it is today because of the lessons I’ve learned. I’ve learned that it’s better to remain soft & pliable, it’s better to hold onto the beauty ahead, than to let the world rob you of your birthright. It’s better to love like you’ve never been hurt, than to feel as though you need to protect yourself. Sometimes what we feel is protection, is potentially stealing “your gift”.
I spent the day with my sister-friend yesterday, & I was reminded of how important your circle is. Make sure you have people around you who can lift you up, love you unconditionally & most importantly remind you of how God sees you & tell you how precious you are. I’m a words person, reassurance & loving words make me crumble.
Without having the pleasure of having a gift growing inside me (yet), I believe I am a mother. I have learned to see my heart as one of a kind, & I’m so proud to say it! I’m not ashamed to say I cry when I worship, when I’m sad or happy, when my friends all said beautiful speeches at my birthday dinner❤️, & even now as I’m typing… because it’s the same heart that gives me the capacity to love somebody else’s kids the way I’ll love mine; the same heart that will love, respect & submit to my husband, the same heart that is grateful that the parts of me that once broke – I have chosen to use to make me more beautiful.
In May last year I started serving in the kids ministry at church. Firstly, I cannot believe it’s been a year & secondly, it has given me such pleasure to have these precious children run into my arms on a Sunday morning. The responsibility to show them how to love & teach them about God has been such a highlight in my life.
I am a mother.
My mother is a soft, don’t ask questions, non confrontational kind of person & I’m sure – as I’m sure she will tell you, I was not the easiest child – BY FAR 🤦🏽♀️We struggled, I struggled, & it took a long time to settle into us now. She is one of a kind & I have been so blessed to have a mother who quietly & consistently loves, supports & undoubtedly believes in me even when I’m ready to throw in the towel. I don’t know where I’d be without her!
When I was younger & even now, I look at friends’ mothers & have sometimes wished my mother carried certain attributes. I know quite possibly my child will one day wish I had something else to give him/her… but what this has made me see is “It takes a village to raise a child” is not just a saying, it’s another reason we need to choose our circle wisely. Just like you can’t replace your girlfriends with your husband, sometimes you need a group of “mothers” to give you what your heart needs. One day my child will have the most fantastic mothers because I know the character of my circle.
I honestly hope my revelation will be exactly what someone else needed to hear. Mother’s Day is something to celebrate, but can be very difficult & triggering for many people with different stories. This month I’ve created a special promo called “I am a mother” for those of us who want a child, have lost a child, are having difficulties conceiving, or that have chosen to be a mother to the kids around them.
Choose your happy!
With love, Laurien
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