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Winter Self Reflection

So friends… here we are at the last month of the 1st half of 2022- how is everyone feeling? How many of you are where your year planner says you should be? I had great intentions to be just where I planned to be but life happened while I was busy planning. Until yesterday I once again had no idea what to write, not feeling too motivated for something uplifting so with my upside down, misguided & rather illogical pile of emotions, I went to lay it on someone who could help me make some sense of it all – what a gem she is!

Finding yourself in the very last place you wanted to be makes other things pale in comparison; doesn’t it? That illusive checklist that follows us around sitting in the blind spot of our minds, waving to see if we still see it there; or the one we do in the beginning of the year, cleverly disguised as “resolutions” really does come back to taunt us & give us unwanted feelings of failure, even when your resolution was to just be kind to yourself… screw that list & it’s judgy eye 👁

 I am absolutely & quite confidently no stranger to phycology & counselling, the unjustified & just plain foolish idea that we don't need these gifts from God make me roll my big brown eyes at all the people busy bleeding on people who didn't hurt them because they feel so strong & capable of dealing with their past... uh huh let's see how that goes...

A few years ago I needed guidance with some changes I needed to make in my business & saw a life coach, in hind sight, I took much more from the time spent with her than I initially thought. I have made some of those changes I planned for & it came together quite close to how I viewed it in my minds eye! *Insert pat on the back here* She also asked me to ask trusted people in my life how they view me in an attempt to raise the views I had of myself & reading those words today made me feel just as shocked & emotional as they did then-interesting… I may just mess around & put these awesome words on my weekly planner in my office 😎

Do many people struggle to see themselves the way others do? & if so, are these fellow people fumbling with some other critical areas too? If you’re not too shy, will you tell me where you struggle in the comments? I have to approve all comments so if you want only me to see it & keep it safe- I’ll do that!

I had a difficult conversation with my therapist yesterday & those are always good but never easy! Over the years I dug so heavily into my past & looked for the pieces that I thought made who I am; imagine the moment I realised I’m far from done & may have been looking in the wrong places! Yikes

I was fortunate enough to go on a little holiday a few weeks ago, yes an all expenses paid trip to a beautiful beach resort in Mozambique- it was good for my spirit; I walked on the beach, talked to God, took in all the beauty of things around me right up until I was left alone, extradited to my room instead of my home I so desperately wanted to return to & ended up feeling trapped, claustrophobic, stressed & anything but an extra 2 days on holiday; not the ideal way to spend your first holiday in about 6 years – I realised how difficult a sudden change of plan in a different country was for me to navigate alone, & that’s just how I felt… alone! & the caring I was looking for from someone else had to come from me

I also realised that having the ability to take things as they come in such situations is a super power I don’t quite have (just yet) & a few other things I won’t be telling the World Wide Web incase my head in fact does become extremely level at all times & SA elects its first female president.

I’ve never been one to shy away from personal growth, I think it stems from my slightly difficult childhood, some loss & hurt, bad relationships & long term lingering feelings. The other day I stumbled on Jada Pinkett Smith’s “Red Table Talk” I’m not a Jada fan by any means, but I found that discussion so honest & so personal to me & I think there are many woman, daughters, mothers that would benefit from looking into the book they discussed called “Mother Hunger” by Kelly McDaniel – read the overview HERE

When I had kids, I consistently found ways to make them feel loved, secure, protected, heard, understood, even when it made me uncomfortable & I know that I wanted to give them the security I didn’t feel I had when I was a child. I realised watching that video, that most of us may in fact have “mother hunger” in some form, it doesn’t mean our mothers didn’t do their absolute best, it just means that they weren’t able to give us what they didn’t have & our mothers are dealing with mother hunger of their own

 “Every mother was once a daughter”

Kelly McDaniel

I’ve always been so quick to be emotionally naked & vulnerable, not first checking if it would be safe & didn’t see how I’d failed to protect myself in an attempt at closeness with people; I’ve learned to see how that affects me & how I’ve placed myself in situations I shouldn’t have been in. I make a beautiful version of people in my mind & only succeed in landing myself in a world of pain when they don’t fit the mould I’ve created for them. How do we keep hurting ourselves doing the same things over & over again, & still miss the lesson? Could it be a lack of understanding where it comes from? A lack of seeing ourselves the way we should? Our inability to believe people when they show us who they are? This month I’m on a personal mission to finally put this painful lesson to bed. I hope my vulnerability will inspire even just one person to do the same 🤗💖

Who knew I’d fall into the business of making people feel better when that’s what I needed to give myself for all these years? I’m pretty good at it & I have a fresh sense of gratitude being able to have a place of serenity for YOU to give yourself some healing too. I have a special promo this month aimed at the relationship you may need to fix, weather it’s your sister, your friend, your wife or maybe it’s just you…

This month, how can you learn to protect yourself better?

How can you learn to love your kids in ways you haven’t been able to before?

How can you be kinder to people around you that aren’t able to lay their hearts on the table & the ones who fall too hard too fast?

If you have some wounds you haven’t been able to heal, reach out. If not today, when?

Whatsapp Busi @Serenity Counselling for a booking today 0783205796

boundaries | counselling | daughters | emotional attachments | healthy relationships | kelly McDaniel | loving me | mental health | mother hunger | Mozambique | no judgement | psychology | wounds

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